Becoming Bella

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Winter Arc

Why have we as a society become so obsessed with treating ourselves like a constant project? When did we decide that in order to succeed and thrive we must change every aspect of ourselves, becoming cookie-cutter models of different versions of the same persona we see online? Drive, passion, and change are imperative and unescapable, but when did we decide to make growth into challenges, trends, and aesthetics? Are you changing because that is the person you want to be or who everyone else expects you to be?

I’ve found myself often struggling with this. Entering cycle after cycle of these fleets of motivation to change. Picturing a lifestyle. Working towards something in hopes that it brings me the joy I so desperately seek. Then burning out when I don’t feel any different.

I have a 10 step skincare routine, yet I always find something to criticue.

My hair is the healthiest it’s ever been, and yet I complain it’s not thick enough.

I lost 20 pounds, and I still hate every piece of clothing I wear.

I got good grades this semester, and I still feel like an imposter.

I’ve created my dream room, and yet it is still a mess.

It’s like no matter how much I try to change, whether I succeed or fail, I come out the other end unhappy and unfullfilled.